Saturday, 8 June 2013

Jon 'n' Snow: Trippin' Together!

The constant murmur of her voice startled him. He looked sideways. There she was- in dazzling red and black clothing, her eyes only staring at him, longing, waiting. "I am coming for you my louuuuuuuvvve!" he started running towards her , arms wide-spread, as everything around him started swirling in slow-motion. It appeared as if she was moving away from him."no..No...don't go, don't go!!" he started panting, and ran faster. "Babyyyyyyyyy!!!" he cried out loud. And she stopped moving away from him, and in that moment, he forgot everything about himself. Soon, he could feel her heavy breath falling on his face, and as soon as he advanced to kiss the love of his life, she purred.


"Err..babe?" he was shocked. "MEOWWWWWWWW" she purred a bit more and slowly started pawing his face. Now it was his turn to run.

Miles away from this love-story, a man in his undies was drooling on his new-found bed, with his cat pawing him. The cat was probably famished. And the man-well, he was in his own world , dreaming about his love again. The cat gave one final blow and almost managed to make a D on the man's forehead, and that was enough for him to wake up.


Jon hurled his feline in a fit. It went flying across the bed yet it still managed to land on its limbs. In style. 'A cat has nine lives' Snow purred to himself. "Why do you always have to mess my face of all the other parts of my body?" Jon screamed. "Yea right, feed me or next time I will mess with the appropriate parts of your body you useless scum!" Snow purred. Jon sighed , while trying to rub off the D. "I know buddy, I am of no good. Not in a place like this, where everything is so different....IWANNAGOHOMMMMMMMMMMME!" Jon sobbed.

                                                    *                     *                        *

Things were not this different for Jon & Snow. They too had a great life to live-girls, booze, TV , their Wii and most importantly, the huge farmhouse their eccentric uncle had left for them. Eccentric to the world, but a genius to Jon. He worshiped the man. "One day, I will take you to places where you will be the King!" he would tell young Jon. Jon did not know that his uncle was up to something similar-for real.

It was Saturday night. Jon's buddies went off to catch the latest adult movie that was a rage in town-Wife of Pi. They say it has got the never-seen-before scenes with a Tigress in water and what not. Damn tempting isn't it? But Jon decided to stay back with Snow and do certain stuffs that he always enjoyed doing when he was alone. It required skillful use of both of his hands, some screwing-unscrewing and the likes. Yes you got it right, he would 'smoke up' 2-3 joints with Snow. And Snow would just stare at him, unable to decipher what would follow-a night full of wacky philosophies , a night devoted to ruthless gorging.
    But that night , Jon had other plans as well. Ever since they moved to uncle's farmhouse, they had not really explored the place properly. His uncle went off to an expedition and had never returned. Soon afterwards he was declared dead. He couldn't quite make it to the funeral, but wished he could see him off one last time. "Remember Jonny boy! The world is ruthless, the world is crazy! They call me mad, you know why? Because I am doing exactly what will make them run for their money."
Jon's uncle was an Experimental Physicist who would also wrote a cool sci-fi blog. "One day, Jonny boy, you'll see! You will be the King!"

So where were we? Ah yes Saturday night. As Jon had moved to this new place, he learned that the place is a child's dream. There were so many stuffs- gadgets, books, instruments, more books, and the likes. Jon was intrigued by the fact that his uncle managed to put all this up together. He was a bit proud as well. Ever since his parents died, his uncle was the only family he had.

That morning, Jon was checking out the place. The place was huge- it was enough for at least 20 people to live together. Snow would as usual play with his ball of wool. Jon did not really worry much about Snow. To him , he was quite a smart cat. "What is this room?" Jon exclaimed as he came across an entrance, hideously covered with a drape.

At the top of the door, there was a sign that looked suspiciously  similar to his favorite hand gesture. Yes you guessed it right again- it looked like a namaste . "Wonder when did uncle take fancy on Indian mannerisms huh!!?" he thought. He figured that the door was locked. He started jamming the lock and it wasn't giving away. It gave him aplenty of dirt on his tee, though.

Irritated, he went back a few feet and with his left forearm nudged forward, he started running towards the door. Only this time as he was about to hit the shackles of the door, Snow, his so-called 'smart cat' pounced on him from one side, and off they went  crashing on the door as it surprisingly opened normally. Jon had heard a brief *beep* sound while they crashed the door.

"Snow you stupid creature! Owww my back hurts badly."
Jon managed to sit up and took a look at his surroundings. It was full of shady posters of movies he did not watch. Chicks in skimpy clothes, fat women with guns on them, hooligans groping  women- they all were there. "What the hell are these movies?" he wondered. A typical poster of a man in disco suits caught his eyes. "Disco Dancer..hmm..who is this actor?" he thought. Suddenly, a voice came cracking from the ceiling.


It was his uncle's voice. Jon was startled.

"JONNY BOY! YOU MADE IT IN HERE!" the voice screamed.

"If you are hearing this recording, then it means I have left this world for the place beyond the imagination of the people of this world! Yes my boy you are right! I have found the place- the place where you will be the king and I will be your guardian! WE WILL RULE THE LAND TOGETHER! HA HA HA HA!"

Jon looked at Snow. "Tell me Snow," he asked. " Are my eyes red?"


"Am I high?!!"


"I am asking questions to my cat. I am definitely high." Jon sighed. "But I don't remember smoking up! When did--" he was cut short by the recording.

" Time to join me, Jonny Boy! 3! 2! 1!"

And suddenly, Jon saw the walls of his room begin to rattle. They started folding up like window blinds and the shady movie posters started mixing up to ghastly red hues everywhere. "Whadda--?" he exclaimed, and before he knew it, he felt a massive push on his shoulders and he went flying towards the wall with that 'Disco Dancer' poster. He could hear Snow purring madly alongside him and in the next moment , the poster in from of him vanished to nothingness. It was replaced by darkness ahead, as they kept getting pushed in the forward direction. Suddenly the force behind them stopped pushing. Jon panicked. He was panting heavily and looked at his cat.


Snow's pointy whiskers indicated he was scared to death. And just then, the ceiling below them gave way and they started falling.


Jon was laughing, crying, puking, and sweating at the same time. He even farted a little. Snow was vigorously  throwing his limbs in every direction it could. Suddenly they landed on a base full of trash- in conveniently slow motion.

They woke up after a few hours. Jon got up , shocked. He looked around. It was night time. The place  looked funny. The littered roads, the smelly alleys- there was a strange harmony of filth in the air. He could not locate Snow anywhere. He started getting up and walking towards what seemed like a bar nearby.

The bar was shadier than he had expected. It seemed to be full of dopeheads. 'I am a disco dancer!' was playing in full volume, though he couldn't figure out the rest of the lyrics. And then he saw something that blew his balls away.

Snow was sitting on a high dais on what seemed to be like a richly decorated throne. There were a gazillions of attendants around him  , taking care of his whiskers like a newly crowned king. All of a sudden, Snow's attention went towards Jon. "Mew!!!" it shrieked and started moving its paws in Jon's direction.Everyone suddenly looked at Jon.

"OUR KING HAS DESCENDED!" they all cried in unison. They all got hold of Jon , took him up on their shoulders and placed him on an even bigger throne next to Snow. Jon got confused. But then he saw two pretty ladies who were apparently the king's official escorts, and all his confusion went away.

"Welcome to Merrytopia O King! I am BS,your humble Prime Minister" a middle-aged man came forward from among the crowd.

"Err..Hello BS.." Jon was finding it hard to control his laughter. "H-how are you?"
"Finest as an old wine, your Majesty!"
"Good good. you know anything about my uncle?"
"I do, your Majesty!"
"Well then take me to him!"
"I would your Majesty. But first I must lay down the rules of this land that a King must follow."

BS took out a scroll, opened it, took a USB drive out , dropped the scroll on the ground, took out his tablet from his robe, and plugged the USB in.

"(ahem).. O King of Merrytopia,
Live Long and Prosper! (brief applause follows)
For the sake of taking over as the King of this land, a king must follow the Golden Rule: Impose one law on this land. Only after that will he be able to rule as a king."

"And what if I don't follow the orders?" Jon quipped.
"You cannot do that O King.." BS said calmly.
"Why not? I can just refuse to do this! Coming here was not my choice at the first place!" Jon protested.

"What's done is done. You must follow the rules. That's how Merrytopia works. If you fail to do so, you shall be put to the dungeons where you would be made to watch Ram Gopal Verma movies."
"Who the hell is Ram Gopal Verma?"
The whole crowd gasped in unison on hearing this.
"You don't know RGV? You don't know nothing about Bollywood?!!!"
"Err..I know Hollywood..where is Bollywood?"
The whole crowd gasped in unison once again.

"Bollywood! The Hindi Film Industry! That's in India! They make the coolest of movies! We survive on their songs, their dances are our folk dances, their tragedies is the reason for our grief..BOLLYWOOD IS THE WAY OF OUR LIVES!" BS was almost choking with emotions.

"Ha ha. What crap.." Jon murmured.
"I said we should CLAP!" Jon was beginning to understand those shady posters at his uncle's room now. He saw that playing along was the only way out.

"Alright, if I must follow the rule, then very well."
The crowd became expectant.
"So tell me O Wise King, what law would you impose on us?" BS was excited.

Jon cleared his throat, looked around, and smiled.
"The law that I shall pass is: Legalize Marijuana!"

The crowd was puzzled. Snow gave a brief "mew" while looking at Jon with disbelief.

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Weeks passed. The people embraced the new law. Now what happened is that people started getting high all the time. They stopped giving a shit about anything in their world except arranging for and rolling the joints. Philosophical opinions started flooding everywhere. Some would agree on to an opinion and the next moment an outsider would come and oppose, and suddenly everyone would start opposing the theories.

Jon observed that administration was getting out of hand. Even BS would now talk nothing but BS. Jon couldn't believe that even Snow would show up with red eyes at times. Weed used to be Jon's way of life but now, it seemed that his law was not fully accurate. He needed to do something about it.

"I want to change the law."  he called BS for a counsel one day.
"You..haha how do I put it..heeh..cannot!" BS had already stopped adding 'Your Majesty' a few days back.
"Are you high, as we speak?"
"No no Jonny Boy I am not!"
"Then why would you-- wait what did you call me?!"

"Jonny Boy!"

Jon was surprised and confused. He had his doubts initially about BS but power and freedom had blinded him. BS gave out a crackle of laughter, a loud and wide laughter. A familiar laughter.

"This is why I had to create this world of mine! Our world would not take me, so I wanted to escape!" BS began his tale , which you all must be dying to know by now.

"On my journey with my experiments, I had finally found a way to a parallel universe. Only that it was in ruins, as if it was abandoned by its people. I was happy to find the resources of this world-all at my disposal, but after a while, I started getting bored. Bored because, I missed conversations with another human being. I was upset about this, and realized something should be done! Then I thought , why not get some people from our world, who wanted to escape , to break free, and to live as equals, without caring much for survival.

 And I knew just the people to pick. I took up all the slum-dwellers of every populated countries of the world. This might sound outrageous , Jonny Boy, but trust me, nobody cares if a certain amount of these low lives suddenly disappear from the face of the Earth! So the plan was perfect- I was to give these people a new place to live, a new world where they would face no limitations, and of course I planned to rule this world, along with you."

Jon did not know what to say. Snow purred a little.

"Why do you look so startled? Did you not always wanted to live in a place like this?!!!"

"NO Uncle! I have my friends back home! I have a life that's full of excitement!"
"Oh c'mon, your life blows. I have seen how you live- borrowing cash from your friends, roaming here n there, trying to score a chick but ending up with your Cat at the end of the day. You call that an exciting life?!"
"I don't care! However bad it is, it is MY life! So I can choose how to lead it!"
"Well, now that you are here, you cannot go back. Because I haven't yet designed a way to get back to the other side..."
Jon wanted to punch his uncle on his throat.
".... and since you have revolted, it is important that you are put away somewhere, where you cannot create any problems..." BS smirked.
" You cannot do that! And wait a minute, why could I not recognize you all this while? Why not on the day I came here?"
BS smiled.
"Because, I had mixed a 'synthesized' form of weed in the air of my farmhouse by the vents. You see I got inspired from that 'Balam Pichkari' song from that  latest Bollywood movie. So anyone who entered that place would unknowingly get high and stay that way. I had developed the specimen in such a way that it would not interfere with your day-to-day functioning, but if you encountered any illusion , your mind would go on a trip , getting you high. So the illusion would work as a trigger to get you high. Hence I had those illusions put in place when you had entered the 'Portal Room' . Those Bollywood movie posters, they have immense effect on getting you high, you see!"

"Whadda-- and stop with your Bollywood references already!" Jon was angered. Suddenly, he saw Snow pouncing towards his uncle. This is it. He had to make a run for it. As BS fell on the ground, Jon grabbed Snow under his arm and ran away from the bar that now masqueraded as a fully functional Palace.

Now you'd wonder, 'Dude! That's bullcrap! How could he run away so easily? Why would BS not do something to make it difficult for them? What BS are you feeding us!!'  well you see, weed was legal in that land. And when that happens...need I say more?

So Jon & Snow ran . They tried to hide, to stay in disguise for days. They begged , borrowed, stole, and tried doing whatever they could from getting caught. This is how they landed in this single-room apartment.

*back to the present*

 "...IWANNAGOHOMMMMMMMMMMME!" Jon sobbed. He knew his efforts were futile. The only thing that he failed to understand is that his uncle had elaborated everything in detail, except for the Portal Room. Could it be because it was a weak link? The Achilles' Heel of his uncle's plan? "What a madman.." he murmured. Suddenly he realized, he wasn't high anymore. He checked Snow's eyes. He wasn't high as well. This actually gave him some motivation. "Perhaps the hunger...wears off the effects ?" he wondered. " I don't believe the fact that uncle did not develop a way back to our world. He is crazy but he is not impractical for all I know, Snow."


"And so, the portal to the other side has to be here somewhere! THAT'S IT! We have to find the portal Snow!"


"Yeah I know I  am in my undies. Let's get covered up and start searching!" Jon was determined. And in few minutes, they took off.

Jon roamed in the streets of Merrytopia. The streets looked highly under-developed. Obviously, the people here did not care how they lived, where they lived. They just wanted to live as equals, get their hands on day-to-day resources and stay merry. Also, the whole city looked extremely bland, except the bar-cum-palace areas. They looked -how to put it- very colorful. Almost like those posters that he had seen earlier.

And he failed to understand when did his uncle pick up this liking for Bollywood movies. "Could be when he went to Asia to collect people.." he kept wondering as it suddenly struck him. He had seen a poster of Disco Dancer, the one similar to the poster in the Portal Room. Only that this poster was there at a public theater- which would remain jam-packed day and night.  " They screen the same movie everyday, yet these weirdos keep visiting the place like pilgrims. " He tried to test his theory. With a convincing disguise( he did not need much work as the guards were stoned) , he entered the movie theater premises. Snow was tucked inside his robes, and he pushed the swarm of dopeheads as he inched nearer to the poster. He was blinded with hope so much so that he failed to notice that it is getting too easy for him and Snow to escape.

Back in our world, in the farmhouse, Jon's friends were trying hard to get Jon back from the 'trip' .

Written By : Soumya Mukherjee
Original Post : The Placid Rambler

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